****This blog was written Dec 15, but I have not been able to upload the pictures that I wanted, for some reason it just wouldn't work. I've tried everyday, but it won't work. :( try again later****
Nathaniel
Wow - it's been a whole year (Dec 15) since Nathaniel left us. I can still remember the day that I dropped him off at his dads thinking I was never going to see him again. I remember telling myself not to cry..not to cry.. I wanted to be strong for Nathaniel. I remember leaving my house and putting him in his car seat and driving out and saying "good bye Chance, good bye Daddy, goodbye bed, goodbye house, goodbye rabbit, goodbye cats" and Nathaniel would repeat after me as I tried to explain that he would never see these things again. That he was going to go live with Daddy forever and ever and ever. Trying to tell a 3 year old how much you love when you know that won't remember you in a few months or a year. That was the longest car ride of my life! The car ride to Florida the year before seemed to be shorter then that car ride. I brought Nathaniel into the apt. building lobby and just waited. As I handed Nathaniel over to his dad I just cried, I couldn't talk nomore and I didn't want to do that! I didn't want Nathaniel to see me cry. But what happened next I'll never forget. His Dad Yen leaned over and gave me a hug. Not a quick little hug but a real, long, strong hug. He just held me and thanked me for everything that we have done for Nathaniel and him and that he really appricates it all. I then just stood there while they walked away never thinking I'll see them again. That was Dec 15th, 2005. The last thing we did with Nathaniel was to decorate our Christmas tree together. Christmas morning we did our presents and were sitting down to eat breakfast and Andrew and I just started talking about Nathaniel and wondered if he liked our Christmas presents that we had sent home with him, and wondering what kind of Christmas morning he was having and the phone rang. It was Yen, he said Nathaniel wanted to wish us a merry christmas. So Nathaniel came on the phone and he words were "Merry Christmas Mommy". I just started bawling and coulnd't say a word so I gave Andrew the phone while I tried to get my composure back. The phone call was amazing! We have seen each other a few times over the last year, we've had outings at the park, and splashpad at waterloo park, we got together for Nathaniel's birthday party, and Yen and Nathaniel even celebrated thanksgiving with my family. I still miss Nathaniel greatly and think about him often, but I am happy that he is home with his Dad! His dad loves and adored him to peieces and you see that each time we get together.