Love Thursday....is back

I know I haven't been doing this for a while but I am going to try and get back into it. So today's post has no picture as I forgot my camera in the front hall this morning.

But Love is spending some time with your sister, just one on one with no kids. Love is picking strawberries and remembering being kids and picking with our mom and grandma. Love is the special bond that sisters share!

I'm hurting...

Today was NOT a fun day at work. Thanks to my co-worker who shall remain nameless totally caused a incident to occur with one of the residents at work (he is about 6ft1 and weighs 240 lbs - not a small guy. Thanks to him we have 4 holes in our walls at the group home). They were yelling and name calling back and forth with each other. Finally I told my co-worker to go home. So she did. Then I had to get all the other residents safe (3 in wheelchairs and one able bodied) out the back door and loaded into the van as they were safer in there. But as one of the guys (in wheelchair and weighs 80lbs) was getting loading onto the ramp to go in the van the other guy punched him in the back twice and was going at him for more, so I put my body completely over the wheelchair where I then got punched 3 times in the back of the neck and twice in the back before he backed off. I was able to load the last guy into the van, locked all the doors and called 9-1-1. So 4 cruisers came, and pretty much did NOTHING. They wouldn't arrest him b/c the courts would just find him not responsible for their actions. blah blah blah. Although he has been arrested before for assault. ah well. They just kept telling him he was a "bad boy". Yeah he was. Now take him to jail. When the police asked him what he wanted them to do he would say "take my to jail". That's what he wanted. So now I am so sore, I can barely move my neck, my back is sore. I am freakin scared to go back into work tonight. My anxiety has been down for a while that I have not needed to take any of anxiety medication. But I did today! And I don't want to go back!

but want to know what really pisses me off? Was that I called my managers cell phone, it rang 4 times and the got the machine. I left a msg asked her to call back for advice on what to do with the police. I called her at home, left a message, got the "emergancy pager" to talk to another manager on call no one called back, I called main office to talk to some one there - no luck. Then as I was leaving I tried my manager back again on her cell and I got the answering machine on the first ring (meaning she turned it off) and her message was changed to that she is on vacation for 2 weeks. But she didn't have the decency to call me at work first. She obviously got my message! I really could have used SOME backup/advice.

Parenting for dummies

Does anyone know where I can find a manual for Chance? There has to be one where. Maybe a book? Do they have Parenting For Dummies a.k.a AMY. Now I know I am not a dummy but sometimes I just don't know how to deal with some of emotional issues Chance is dealing with right now. He has had a few meltdown lately where he'll be asked to do something simple, and it'll lead into a big crying fit that he can't seem to calm himself out of. One happened on Friday (I was late coming home from work), and Andrew asked him to do something and he just started crying for a good 10 minutes. But he managed to calm down a bit but when he saw me from the window pulling in he started again so I just came home and held him like a baby and rocked him. Then he stopped and went on to playing and when asked what was wrong he would just say "I don't know".

Then it happens again tonight. I asked Chance to turn the TV as it was time for bed (his show was done) and normally Chance never gets upset when asked to do this. But he did and started crying. Then he asked to have his cold bath, I said not tonight and the crying got louder, then I asked him to push his teeth and he just lost it. I put Joe and Manny to bed and I went in to the bathroom and I said "I know what you need Chance" and he looked at me and I said "you need a snuggle with mommy" and he's like "yeeeeeeeeeeessssssssss". He crawled into bed and I held him tight and I could just feel his tense body loosen up and he was asleep in less then 5 minutes". But even as he was sleeping it took him another 10 minutes for him to fully relax. All day he kept saying he "misses daddy".

He also keeps going back and forth saying "I want mommy to go to work and daddy stay home with me", then he'll say "I want daddy to go to work and daddy stay home with me". We are working opposite shifts so that one of us is always home with him. But I guess Chance still feels like he is missing out. He wants us both home all the time (and oh how Andrew and I would LOVE for that to be a reality".

I feel he is trying to tell us something but he is not quite able to put it into words. He asked me today at breakfast if Joe and Manny are going to go back live with Michelle (their birth mom). I wish I could give him an answer (I wish *I* knew what was happening). So I think he is finally starting to understand more what fostering means. He then told me while we were clearing the table "I don't want them to take my brothers".

I'm just so scared to deal with some of his emotional issues (us fostering, being an adoptee, losing "siblings" when they are returned home). If not dealt properly can cause life long issues.

Sex Ed

Okay, who has been teaching my three year old sex ed? Chance is always telling us that he wants to grow up to be just like Daddy. Once in awhile he'll talk about his hair getting long like Daddy, or growing big and tall But the other day while we were eating dinner he's like "when I get bigger, my penis is going to get big and long". lol, not exactly dinner topic but I did tell him "yes, your penis will get big and long". Then two nights ago at dinner time he told me that when he gets bigger like Daddy that his voice is going to change. Again, he's right. But how does he know this? We defiantly haven't sat him down yet and talked about puberty!

He also told us yesterday that he dosen't want his booster seat at the table any more since he has gotten so big he dosen't need it anymore. Even if the table comes up to his chest, he is convinced that he is too big for it.

Attachment
When packing for the cottage last week I told Chance he can bring one cuddly with him. He has a few favourites so I was a little surprised when he came back with "Pinky". You see Carrie gave Skylar Pinky for Valentines day and Skylar just loved Pinky. We didn't send it home with her b/c we figured she wouldn't have and memories of where it came from and what it meant. And it wouldn't surpised us if Skylars mom threw it out. So we kept it and gave it to Chance. Something so that he can remember Skylar by. He knows that Pinky was Skylar's, and he also knows that his birth mom gave it to her. So when he brought me Pinky to pack I asked him why he chose Pinky and he said "becuase I want Skylar to come to the cottage with me". once he left the room I cried. He remembers last year when Skylar was at the cottage with us. So Pinky came and he cuddled with it and probably thought of Skylar.


Skylar first got Pinky

The boys all tried sleeping in one bed at the cottage - didn't last long until Joe bit Chance's finger (Chance still won't say why his finger was in Joe's mouth). But Chance wanted Pinky in the picture too.

Then when we got back from the cottage Joe and Manny's worker (Rachel) was comming for a visit. (side note: Rachel was also Skylar's worker). So I told Chance that the boys worker was comming and he was fine. Then the next day he asked what the worker name that was comming and I said "Rachel" and he started screaming and yelling that he dosen't want Rachel to come. Which is NOT a normal reaction. Chance loves when the workers come as he knows he gets away a few extra things that he normal won't get away with. He likes so show off for them. So I asked him why he didn't want Rachel to come and threw his tears he said "I don't want Rachel to take my brothers away like she took Skylar away". You see, Rachel is the one that came and took Skylar away that day. We both sat on my bed and we cried together and we talked about Skylar and how much we all miss her and that there will always be a part of her that is with us. I also told her that she was not comming to take his brothers away! He was then ok with that. (Chance still talks about Skylar about 3-4 times away. Usually it's just a "I miss Skylar" and then he carries on with what he was doing).

Then a few days ago while Chance and I were doing dishes I asked him if would like mommy and daddy to take in another foster child, maybe one that is older then he is. Right away he's like "NO - I don't want them to come" and so I asked him why not and he says "b/c I don't want my brothers to go away. I don't want any others ones, just my brothers". (in the past we got Skylar onces Nathaniel left, we got Joe and Manny once Skylar left. So I am assuming he thought they would have to leave in order for more to come in). So I just dropped the topic and let it be.

Then while Chance was playing outside our neighbour mentioned something and Joe and Manny being Twins and he got all defensive saying "no, they are not twins, they are just my brothers" and our neighbour (age 8) kept trying to explain it to Chance but he just kept getting more defensive. "JUST MY BROTHERS!!!!!!!!!!!!". So Andrew and I have been trying to explain to him the last few days what twins mean. (Michelle had 2 babies in her tummy, but Carrie only had 1 baby. Jessice and Julie were both in Aunty Jenn's tummy at the same time so they are twins". So now he'll say it, but he still adds "they are just my bothers".

So I know I am kind of all over the place, but that is where my thoughts are. What are we teaching Chance about attachement? He thought Nathaniel was his brother - then he's gone. Skylar was his sister - then she's gone. Now he thinks Joe and MAnny are his brother - what happens if they leave? To him what is a brother? What is a sister? We have NEVER told him that NAthaniel, Joe and Manny where his brothers. We never said Skylar was his sister. He has picked that up on his own, and calls them that himself. Is he always going to think people that get close to him are going to go? Chance finally has a friend "P" that is 6 months older then he is. He asks to play with her every day. And they play together maybe 5 times a week. Sometimes they play nice together, some times they don't. But this is Chance's first friend that is his age and they loves playing together. But, "P" is a foster child that just came to live with our friends down the street. So what does that mean? That one day I might have to explain to him that his friend is GONE! Never going to see her again. POOF - there one day and gone the next. How is that going to affect the way he makes friends when he goes to school? Afried that they will suddenly be gone? Just like his "brothers and sister"? Just like his first mom (Carrie). Is he going to grow up thinking that everything that he gets close to will one day be gone?

Strawberry Picking

I uploaded the pictures wrong. So if you can do me a favour and start looking at the pictures at the BOTTOM and work your way up! :)


What an adventure! We just let the kids go with a basket and told them to go pick strawberries and put them in their basket. Well that didn't work so good. Instead all three boys picked the strawberries, but only it didn't make it to the basket. Instead they all ended up in their tummies. We were there for an hour and 20 minutes, and at the end of that time Chance had FOUR strawberries, and Joe and Manny had NONE! Can you imagine spending over an hour just eating strawberries? I know they are good, but my goodness there is a limit! Joe is a type of person that will continue to eat until you stop putting food in front of him. I have never seen him full. But I did while strawberry picking! finally after an hour and bit we saw Joe just sitting down and playing with straw. No more food for him, he was finally full. It was just crazy how much they ate. I'm surprised they didn't ask to weigh the kids when we checked out. We got 8 qts. and it only came to $10. I'm sure the kids ate $10 worth themselves! I haven't gone strawberry picking since I was a kid and it was so much fun. I remember going with my mom and doing the same thing. Just eating the strawberries! It was also the first time that Andrew has gone too. So this is something we are going to be doing every year! In the next week or two they are coming out with Raspberries so I think we are going to be going back to some. We just won't be getting as much!



Andrew with the strawberries as well

This is at the end Chance is showing his four strawberries, and Joe and Manny basket is EMPTY

Chance and all of our strawberries

Joe and Manny spent the whole time in this position. Crunched over a bush.

Chance eating a strawberry

This is Andrew and the boys out in the field.

Cottage Trip

Last week we went up to Andrew's parents cottage for 5 days. It was a nice break for EVERYONE (well maybe everyone except Andrew's parents who didn't have any peace and quiet that they are used too - but I think they enjoyed thier grandkids anyways - even if it was loud). Both and Joe and Manny seemed to learn and thrive so much in those days saying and doing things that they haven't done before. It was nice. The highlight of the trip for Chance was FISHING! He was talking about it for weeks about how he wanted to go fishing and catch a BIG SHARK. He was so excited. We got him a diego fishing pole for Easter that he has been itching to use.


This was Chance practicing casting at the cottage before we went. There is an orange fish weight on the end of the pole that he could use to help with casting.

Here is Chance fishing hoping to catch his big Shark!

and....and.... well maybe not a shark but he did catch a fish. His very first fish. He was sooo excited. He touched it once but when Daddy yelled at his not to touch it he then became afraid of the fish which he was he dosen't have a nice look on his face. but he was happy.

Can you tell what is missing?

Look a little closer, can you see it now? There is no wheel on the tractor. Now I am sure you are just dying to find out what on earth happened to this poor tractor to lose its wheel. Well you have to wait no further. On May 30th, 2007 Chance decided to see what happens when you swallow a wheel! He was choking and he threw up, so I figured we should take him to the hospital to have him looked at to make sure he's ok. He was and he was absolutely amazing at the hospital. He let them take his temp, check his blood pressure, listen to his heart and lungs, check oxygen levels and when we did the x-rays he wanted them to take more pictures! This behaviour is the COMPLETE opposite of all of his past doctor visits where he has screamed and kicked during the whole check up. So I was pleasantly surprised that this trip went smoothly. All is good, nothing showed up on the x-ray (wheel is plastic but they were checking to see if the axel was swallowed as well), and it'll just make it's way though his system. Which Chance kept checking his poop to try and find it - which we never did, but I am assuming it came out by now. :)

HAPPY FATHERS DAY

Third Fathers Day 2007

Second Fathers Day 2006

First Father's Day 2005

Yes I know I am late, but I am going to be going back and doing some "catch up posts" on things that have happened in the last little while. Starting with Father's Day.

Andrew had to work AGAIN on Fathers day this year. So he got come at 6pm where we then had some dinner and I had to go to bed as I had to leave for work in 3 hours. But we took him out Friday morning for breakfast, and again Saturday night for Chinese for dinner and to celebrate his new job. But this year we finally got a nice looking Father's day picture. lol. The last two years they didn't turn out so good.. lol My favourite one is Andrew's first Father's day with both Chance and Nathaniel. :)

My mom and Dad also came up for a few hours in the afternoon for some lunch. It was a good day thought. My dad even fixed mine and Chance's bike (b/c my dad can't come over just for a visit you know.. lol).