LOVE THURSDAY - Cold Feet

Love is first warm day of spring after an awful, miserable and cold winter. Love is the first time you can go outside WITHOUT A COAT! Love is sticking your feet in the snow bank! Love is being a kid and not caring that snow is COLD!

Okay Okay, before you run and call Family and Children Services on me, let me explain why my son is standing barefoot in a snowbank and I'm taking a picture and NOT putting his boots on.

It was a BEAUTIFUL day out, we went for a walk to the river and to check the mail. At the mail boxes there was a huge puddle and what kid does not love running in puddles? Luckily I have a child that will always ask before he goes in puddles. So we were there and he walked around the puddle, and then I say "Hey Chance, want to run in the puddle?". You don't have to ask him twice. So he played for about 10 minutes while I talked to someone. We came home and we were going in the house but his boots were litterly filled to the rim with water. So we took them off, and he goes running to the snow bank and puts his foot in it. At first I told him not to do that, then thought it would make a funny picture. So I ran and grabbed the camera for the picture, then told him to get in the house. lol. But I even took my shoes off and was standing on the deck as the sun made the deck really warm, it felt nice on the feet - now only if the snow would go away!

Lucky Charms

When we getting ready for breakfast Chance got out the Lucky Charms and was looking at the marshmellows on the box and asked me which one was my favourite. I told him that I like the purple ones. I then poured our cereal put them on the table and went back to the kitchen to get a drink. When I came back to the dining room I noticed that Chance picked through his ceral and put all the purple marshmellows in my bowl. When I said something about how nice that was for him to do that, he responded with "I love you mommy"...

I Love you too Chance - thank you for your purple marshmellows.

That Time of year

Everytime at this time of year our basement floods! It's such a pain in the butt (more for Andrew then me since I'm not able to do all the lifting and stuff he has to carry pails and pails and pails and pails of water up the stairs). So today we thought we would let Chance do the work. He put on his rubber boots and he sucked the water up (oh, and he also liked just running in the 2 inches of water - he thought it was fun). We then had to go to Kids Club tonight but he didn't want to go back he wanted to stay and suck the water up with Daddy. Man, I hope in 5 years he still has the same willingness to help with the basement! Since I doubt Andrew will be calling someone in to fix it anytime soon.. lol :) I finally got Chance to come, but he kept yelling at Andrew "save the water for my daddy" It was cute. I also threw an old juice container that Chance called his "beach toy".

Pictures taken March 26th.

Our family of FOUR... ...is now a family of THREE

This past Tuesday (March 20) we lost our baby girl. She was returned to her mothers care. This has been a hard week for EVERYONE invovled. This one has hit us a lot harder then we were prepared for. Andrew was doing laundry the other day and mentioned that he is still comming across peices of her clothing. Her favourite toys are laying around, her smell is still in her bed, you can still hear her laughter ringing through out the house. But other times, the slience is so pronounced that you can't help but cry. sigh.

both pictures taken Nov 2006

Bad Dream

I'm still having a hard time sleeping. I'm having dreams of the actual accident that took place, to the accident being worse and the car won't stop rolling, to being an air plane crash and being (or Chance being) being stuck in flames. I'm assuming this is normal post accident? But a lot of dreams have Chance (and/or) Skylar in them some how being stuck and I can't get to them. So it didn't surprise me last night when I heard "mommy, mommy, mommy" and I thought once again I was dreaming, but this time I wasn't. It took me awhile to realize that Chance was actually calling me. So I ran to his room and asked him what was wrong and he was crying and all he could say was "mommy accident, mommy hurt". He just clung to my neck crying and I just kept whispering "mommy ok, mommy safe, mommy here now" and he didn't want me to leave. So I just kept repeating that until he fell asleep. Then 2 hours later it was repeated again! Being woken up to hear my son crying my name is just heartbreaking! He is really taking this hard. I'm glad that I am taking next week off work that I can spend that time with Chance so that he knows mommy is ok and mommy is here. Not only am I not ready to go back to work, I don't think Chance is ready to be separated from me. He has been really clingy with me since we went to look at the car yesterday. Normally Chance can be on his own, but now he just wants to sit with me, cuddle with me, and giving me lots of hugs and kisses - more than normal. I think the reality really set in for him (and ME!!) once he saw the car. I was also in a bit of denial about the severity of the accident as well until I saw it.

Hopefully this blog will get back to the happy, upbeat blog like it used to be. But it's a little gray over here and so that is reflected in this blog!

Child's Play
We went to look at the car today - and lets just say it was a tad emotional for me! I had no idea it was that bad! I thought the side and maybe the roof would be damaged, but I never expected it at that degree. I'm not surpised it was a write off no more. The windshield was smashed, the whole driver side, window were smashed, the roof dented in quite a bit (enough that you could even see the dent when looking INSIDE the car), the hood of car was dented and looked like it was almost folded like an accordion. The guy who towed my car said that he thinks I hit the snow bank with the BACK of the car first, then flipped to the side, then flipped to the roof. I never realized I had 3 points of impact. Looking at the car was hard, but what was really hard was seeing all the snow in the front seat! Instant flashback of the snow packed against my face and not being able to move. I think we were able to get everything. I found my $35 in cash, debit card and health card (that were actually STUCK on the ROOF), Walmart gift cards, and other little nick nacks. However I was not able to get my CD that Andrew made me for Christmas 2 years ago. :( I really liked that CD and now it's gone! (it was in the cd player)

But this post wasn't suppose to be about that (the car) - but anyways. The title is called Child's play, and the reason being is that since everything that has happened with Skylar (stitches, rabbit bite, leaving for visits) Chance has been "playing" these scenerio out with his toys. He got a vet kit from his Aunt Ruth for Christmas. And it comes with tweezers, and those he only uses to taking stitches out of the dogs lip (or mommy, daddy or Skylars lip depends who he is playing with), it comes with a needle with a red sponge (why must they choose red?) - anyways that represents blood to him. The carrier that the dog comes in Chance will use to put the dog in and "take away" and talk about how he misses the dog (see where missing Lucky comes into play?)

Now we have more "child's play" is crashing his cars! Now he's a boy, who has been to many demolition derbies so this is nothing new. He would play it once in awhile. Even more so in the last week, but no where near the amount he's been playing today! Boy, everything is smashing. He has a ride on lion that he'll smash and then put it upside down, then be sad that it's broken and has to go to the garbage, but we need to go and buy a new one. (sound familiar?). He keeps talking about the car smashing, rolling over, bending over, window smashing, door broken, hole in roof. Yeah, he saw it all and now he can't stop talking about it. Tonight we praying and his prayer goes like this "thank you mommy car all smash up, thank you mommy roll over and bend her car, thank you car in garbage and get new one - Amen"... Hmm, not excatly the prayer I was looking for, but that is how it is working out in his brain. And yes, it is really hard to hear him talk, play and almost make fun of it. But I have to look at it this way - he is processing it! I remember when Nathaniel went home and he wouldn't talk about him or say his name and I was concerned, but we were able to "bring him out of it", to a point where he could talk. Now he is talking and playing the situation out so I think that is good. Everything with Skylar and me are pretty major events for such a young child to understand, and no he does not understand, but at least he is talking. Play therapy any one? I think I might sign up too!

It has also been really hard with harding working all this week. I am still sore, achy, tired (still can't sleep), sick and don't want to do anything but lay down and rest my head. But instead I have to take care of the kids. Chance has been a great help! I can't lift Skylar yet so Chance will get me the diaper and wipes and I change her on the floor, Chance will help Skylar climb into her high chair and will buckle her. Chance will hold her hand and help her climb down. I can't bathe the kids, play on the floor with them. I'm limited to reading LOTS of books and movies. I wish Andrew didn't have to work this week. I am in no shape to be caring for myself, nevermind the kids. But I guess life goes on. The kids basic needs are taken care of. Mine and Andrew's are not! But isn't that how things are when you have kids anyways? They always come first and you get what is left over?

Good News....Bad News....

Which one do you want to hear first?
Lets start with the BAD:
Our car is a complete write off. (they say there is about $20,000 in damage to the car - we only paid $24,000)

Now the GOOD:
I'm NOT!!!! :) :) :) :) :)


Andrew drove out with me to the interview as for 1. I don't have my license so I can't drive, and 2. Even if I did have it there is no way I am driving!!! But my goodness, you have no idea how many time I talked myself out of panic attacks! In university I used to get them regularly, I've been good lately, but today I was so scared. I freaked out each time Andrew looked back at the kids, if he was going too fast, and esp. When he was driving with ONE hand and had to quickly grab the wheel with both hands when he hit a snow drift or something. I can't sleep! I keep having nightmares that my car just keeps rolling and it won't stop or, the kids are in the car and flips and they are buried and I can't get to them, that I'm dead but I am fighting to stay alive. That I hear the kids screaming in the back seat to save them, and I can't. I just cannot stay asleep very long without a nightmare waking me up. Also, I can't seem to keep my legs warm! It feels like I am always cold. In the hospital they had brought me 12 heated blankets and it didn't matter, I could not warm up,. That feeling is engraved in my head. I'm cold, scared, nervous and thankfully!

More things to add to my thankfully list
1. That people found me, I heard cars drive past me and didn't stop
2. While enroute to the hospital they closed the roads and wouldn't reopen for 24 hours. What if the roads were closed and noone came? The people that stopped had actually stopped and while they were doing a 3-point turn to go back home they saw the car and thought they would check it out
3. That I only rolled once - I could have kept going
4. That I didn't get hyperthermia - although I do have a cold know! I can't stop sneezing, my eyes keep watering and my nose is runny/stuffed. But I can deal with that
5. That I am here writing this post!

Well..... I have my interview today!

And it ROCKED!!! This is the best interview that I have EVER done. I think I answered all the questions correctly, I kept getting confirmation from them like "yup, that's how we do it", "good answer", "most definatly". So I feel good - now granted I don't know how I feel as I know there are probably quite a few other ppl they interviewed, so I should know by next Wednesday. When I first applied I knew it was for only 35 hours a week so I thought that was an excuse so they could pay me less so I won't be considered full time. Well, I was wrong. Not only do I work 5 hours less a week, I also get paid MORE!! Also, currently with my job for my pension plan my employerer puts 3% in (and I match it), here they put in 5%!!!!!!!!!! I get benefits (medical but not dental) AND I START at 4 weeks vacation. Currently you start at 2 weeks (once you work a year), then you wait until you work there 2 years before you get 3 weeks, and 6 years before you get 4 weeks. Here I'd start at 4 weeks which is nice. So I am excited, the job sounds good and I hope I get it!

We got there early so Andrew and I were just talking and as I was leaving he said "don't be scared, they are just people like you". Then I went back to kiss Chance and he said in his cute little voice "don't be scared mommy, they are just little people". I couldn't stop laughing. A little pep talk from my 3 year old. And yes they were LITTLE people, I was taller then them both, and I had to get my own water from the top shelf because they couldn't reach it. LOL

Wednesday Lyrics

Let them be little - Billy Dean

I can remember when
You fit in the palm of my hand
You felt so good in it
No bigger then a minute
How it amazes me
You're changing with every blink
Faster then a flower blooms
They grow up all to soon, so

Chorus:
Let them be little
Cause they're only that way for awhile
Give them hope
Give them praise
Give them love everyday
Let them cry
Let them giggle
Let them sleep in the middle
Oh but let them be little

I never felt so much
In one little tender touch
I live for those kisses
Your prays and your wishes
And now you're teaching me
How only a child can see
Tonight while we're on knees
All I ask is please

Chorus
Let them be little
Cause they're only that way for awhile
Give them hopeGive them praise
Give them love everyday
Let them cry
Let them giggle
Let them sleep in the middle
Oh but let them be little

So innocent
Precious soul
Turn around and it's time to let them go, so

Chorus
Let them be little
Cause they're only that way for awhile
Give them hope
Give them praise
Give them love everyday
Let them cry
Let them giggle
Let them sleep in the middle
Oh but let them be little
let them be little

God is Awesome!!
Wow - where do I even begin? I was coming home from work on Monday morning, it had taken me about an hour and a half to get to a point that would only take 45-50 minutes. But since the roads were really bad I was going slow and taking it easy. I was 10 minutes from home, on my street, when I hit a snow drift on the road. Now the snow drift was only partly on the road so my right wheels hit the drift and stopped immediately, but the left side of the car that didn't hit just kept on going. I started going sideways, flipped to my drivers side, then landed on my roof.

I am ok (physically), but to me the most scary part was when I fell to the driver side my window smashed and the whole car (well the driver side) was filled with snow. It was so packed around my face that I was not able to open my eyes, move my head, or move my hands to dig myself out of the snow. So I remember watching a snow on avalanche's that stated you won't suffocate in the snow if you build a little bubble around your face. Well how do you do that when you can't move your head or use your hands? Well I ate snow! I just keep eating as much as I could until I had an opening around my mouth and nose (I was still not able to use my hands yet). Once that was done I could breath again I was able to calm down a bit and was able to use my hands to start digging and after a few minutes I was able to dig around my face so that I was able to see what exactly was going on.

It was at this point I took my seatbelt off and feel to the roof of the car, but I was not able to get out. There was too much snow and the seats were in the way. At this point I did not know if I was in a ditch or what, so I spent the rest of the time pounding on the horn with my foot! Finally someone (2 cars) stopped and one couple came running down to the car to see if I was ok, I told them I would be able to get out if they put the driver seat down flat, they did that, and helped my dig some more and they were able to pull me out and brought me to their car. The other car that stopped had called 9-1-1. (side note: only out here when the first firefighter/emergency worker to show up to the scene comes riding in on a TRACTOR!!! Yup, I see the tractor coming and then out jumps a firefighter in full gear, with his emerg. bag running to the car. All I could do was LAUGH!!!!!. What a sight...)

Anyways, back to my story. I waited for the ambulance to come, I didn't think I need to go to the hosp. but they said they can't force me, but they highly recommend I go as roll over are really serious and there could be more injuries that they can't see. So I went. HOWEVER, there was another accident and they didn't have time to take me to the hospital so we went to another scene where we picked up 2 more people. Which was no big deal, they were involved in a 5 car pile up and were stuck in vehicle, I was able to crawl out and walk. I understand. However, I was in WET clothes! From the time of the accident to the time I got to the hospital it was an hour and 20 minutes. That's a long time in soaked clothes. As soon as I got to my room I asked the nurse for a gown as I was taking my clothes off (I have never been so happy to wear a gown as I was at that time!). They kept bringing me heated blankets to warm me up (which after 2 hours, and 12 blankets later was NOT successful).

When it was time to release me I had to put my wet clothes back on, I called a friend in town and told her what happened and she came and got me (she lives around the corner). She took me to get my prescription (as I had no money, in the car SOMEWHERE - either that on the side of the country road, who knows?). She took me home, I had a HOT bubble bath, she put my clothes in the dryer. And when I was done I still felt cold! I could not get the feeling of being cold out of my head, even though I was warm, nothing that could be done made me warm. I stayed there the night as all the roads where closed (they closed the roads at some point while I was in the ambulance). THEY brought me home the next morning and I was so happy to be home. Even if Andrew tried to give me a big hug (umm, accident - whip lash? sore? = be careful. lol - that's ok, I wanted/needed that hug more then anything!!!) We are suppose to get our rental car this morning (Wednesday), who knows what is happening with our car (it's only a 2004 sunfire, still a "new" car) but we were told that most cars involved in a roll over are a write off. but I don't know, the snow seemed to cushion me/car, the car was still running (even when they took me in the ambulance - keys stuck in the snow), and it didn't "look" bad. But we'll see.

So now that it is all over - here are what I am thankful for:
1 - first and far most THE KIDS WHERE NOT WITH ME!!!!!!!! (as I was laying on the roof my head was underneath their car seats so I was looking up seeing thier car seats hanging upside down and that was all I could think about). At first when the snow buried my face for a split second I was scared for the kids, thinking they were stuck in the car as I didn't hear them cry then I realized they were not there!
2 - That Andrew was not with me. I can handle the accident, but I am thankful I was ALONE
3 - That when the window smashed the glass didn't hit me in the face (or elsewhere)
4 - That someone stopped (after 15-20 minutes I think I was there. I heard 4 songs on the radio) . The people that stopped had just pulled over to turn around to go back home when the saw my car up the road a little bit more.
5 - That they were able to get my out and I would not be stuck in the car.
6 - That I was wearing a seatbelt
7 - That as scary as the snow burying me, it also protected me!
8 - That I was smart enough to know to get that opening around my face by eating the snow.
9 - That I didn't panic! Things always get worse when you panic
10 -That no other cars were involved
11- That I am "ok". Sure I'm a little sore and bruised, but I am so thankful that I am ok.
12 -That I didn't get hypothermia (yes once realized I was ok, the next fear while waiting for help what that I was going to get hyperthermia and die)
13-That I have great friends that were able to care for me, and take care of me. Thank you Jenn And Andrew!!
14 - That I watched the show the on avalanche and knew what to do
15 - That I was only going 55 kmh. Who knows what could have happened if I was going the speed limit of 90kmh!!!!!
16-And the last point - God was with me 100% of the way! When I knew I was sliding all I was able to scream was "God protect me", and that he did! I was in an accident 5 years ago in February (yes - I FINALLY get that accident off my record and now I am going to have another 5 years on me). but anyways, the people I hit in that car was my sister (and her 5 kids, ages 13 months old, 2 year old twins, 3 year old and 5 year old). All I could said as I knew I was going to hit them (black ice) was "God protect them" and he did. Jessica had a bruise on her shoulder from the car seat, but their little van (protected by fibreglass) protected those little kids against my dad but steal ford explorer!
so yes - GOD IS AWESOME!

There will be a post comming up in a bit about post tramutic stress!

Learning to sit

My MIL gave me this comic and I just thought it was too cute NOT to share. lol

I GOT AN INTERVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so happy. The job I applied for finally called yesterday and told me I have an interview. It's on Tuesday at 10:50-11:30 and I am soooo nervous! There will be 2 people interviewing me (man I hate those type). And I SUCK at interviews. My last 2 interviews my employer told me after the fact that I need to work on my interview skills as I did really bad. But my first one (the one that me in my current agancy told me she just had a good feeling about me, in spite of my interview). My last interview that got my into my night position told me that I did really bad as well, but she hired me b/c she knew I was in a contract position (at her other house) that was expiring and she knew my work ethic and knew I was a good worker.

Nothing like building up my self confidence eh?

Love Thursday

Love is comming home from work and having your kids so anxious to see you!

Andrew was at work all day and as soon as he walked in the door both Chance and Skylar started yelling "Daddy home, Daddy home, Daddy home" and both were all over them that Andrew had no choice but to sit on the floor and let them crawl all over him giving him lots of hugs and kisses. You can even see his lunch pail sitting in the middle of the floor. :)