Mommy Guilt
I've been back to work now for a month (I'm not even go there how much I hate it and miss the kids). I had 12 days off for Christmas and as I tucked Chance into bed tonight I told him that mommy is going to be going back to work tonight (I work nights) he just CRYING. It wasn't little sobs, and it wasn't fake. He was full blown crying with big tears running down, his breathing got real heavy and he just kept saying "no mommy", "stay home with Chance", "no work".

What could I do but cry with him! I felt the excat same way as him, and seeing my son so upset just broke my heart. I have been missing so much of him the last month, I leave for work after he is in bed, I come home at 9-930am and then I go to bed to be woken up (by him - oh how I love being woken up by his sweet voice - even if he comes in the room yelling WAKE UP MOMMY, or SURPRISE and pulls my ear plugs out of ears before I even know what is happening). So we have dinner about 5:00 when Chance wake me up and then I only have 2 hours with him before it's bed time. 2 hours a day with my son just heart breaking. I almost prefer the days when Andrew works as I have to get up around 3:00 when the kids get up from their nap so I get to spend an extra 2 hours with him, even if that means I only get 4 hours sleep! The one week I had gotten 24 hours sleep in 5 days (and that was broken up to sleep twice a day, one after work till nap is over, and then once they go to bed for an hour and a bit)

But oh, the mommy guilt was so bad tonight. The feel of his little arms wrapped so tightly around my neck, crying and begging me to stay home! I wish I could have told him of course I will! I won't leave you ever again... All I could say was "'ll be home tomorrow", and work on calming him down, and reassuring that I love him so much!