Bittersweet

In the last few months I have been visiting some different adoption blogs and reading about other people stories in adoption from all angles of the triad. One fellow blogger wrote an article awhile back that really hit home for me and it's titled Bittersweet. You can check out her (Coley's) blog here: http://open.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/bittersweet If you look what Webster says about bittersweet, you'll find this: bit•ter•sweetPronunciation: 'bi-t&r-"swEtFunction: noun1 : something that is bittersweet; especially : pleasure alloyed with pain. I have thought about many things that I am excited to share with my son (the sweet part), but at the same time the things that I am rejoicing over is Carrie's (bitter) loss.

Examples
Chance with croup (really serious Nov of 2005)
it's bitter for Carrie as she was not able to hold her son and comfort him in the hospital
it's sweet for me as I held him and soothed him to sleep.

Chance's first bike
it's bitter for Carrie b/c she is not able to buy the bike or watch him learn to ride
it's sweet for me b/c I get to experience this and cheer him on

Chance's adoption day
it's bitter for Carrie as she lost her rights to her son
it's was sweet for me b/c I got the son I so depertatly wanted

Chance's birthday
it's bitter for Carrie b/c she missed his birthday
it's sweet for me b/c I got to plan and be present for his birthday

Being a Mommy
it's bitter for Carrie as she can't parent her son
it's sweet for me b/c I am able to be a mommy

This are just a few examples that while I am happy to be able to experiences I can't help but think about Carrie and her feelings. So days that are "sweet" for me, I know there is always a "bitter". Those are the days where Carrie gets a few extra prayers. Why am I finally writing this post now? I wa supposesed to be written on Monday but with everything that happened with Skylar it got put on the side burner. But on Sunday it was a bittersweet day for me. On Sunday Jan14th, 2007 was the day that Chance was placed with us 2 years ago. I woke up thinking back on the past 2 years of sweet memories and 2 years of being a mommy, it also brought back all the things that Carrie will never be able to experience. So to me Sunday was a bittersweet day.

The picture posted from Jan 14th 2005 the first day Chance came to live with us (sweet) and the last day Carrie got to parent Chance (bitter).