Attachment
When packing for the cottage last week I told Chance he can bring one cuddly with him. He has a few favourites so I was a little surprised when he came back with "Pinky". You see Carrie gave Skylar Pinky for Valentines day and Skylar just loved Pinky. We didn't send it home with her b/c we figured she wouldn't have and memories of where it came from and what it meant. And it wouldn't surpised us if Skylars mom threw it out. So we kept it and gave it to Chance. Something so that he can remember Skylar by. He knows that Pinky was Skylar's, and he also knows that his birth mom gave it to her. So when he brought me Pinky to pack I asked him why he chose Pinky and he said "becuase I want Skylar to come to the cottage with me". once he left the room I cried. He remembers last year when Skylar was at the cottage with us. So Pinky came and he cuddled with it and probably thought of Skylar.


Skylar first got Pinky

The boys all tried sleeping in one bed at the cottage - didn't last long until Joe bit Chance's finger (Chance still won't say why his finger was in Joe's mouth). But Chance wanted Pinky in the picture too.

Then when we got back from the cottage Joe and Manny's worker (Rachel) was comming for a visit. (side note: Rachel was also Skylar's worker). So I told Chance that the boys worker was comming and he was fine. Then the next day he asked what the worker name that was comming and I said "Rachel" and he started screaming and yelling that he dosen't want Rachel to come. Which is NOT a normal reaction. Chance loves when the workers come as he knows he gets away a few extra things that he normal won't get away with. He likes so show off for them. So I asked him why he didn't want Rachel to come and threw his tears he said "I don't want Rachel to take my brothers away like she took Skylar away". You see, Rachel is the one that came and took Skylar away that day. We both sat on my bed and we cried together and we talked about Skylar and how much we all miss her and that there will always be a part of her that is with us. I also told her that she was not comming to take his brothers away! He was then ok with that. (Chance still talks about Skylar about 3-4 times away. Usually it's just a "I miss Skylar" and then he carries on with what he was doing).

Then a few days ago while Chance and I were doing dishes I asked him if would like mommy and daddy to take in another foster child, maybe one that is older then he is. Right away he's like "NO - I don't want them to come" and so I asked him why not and he says "b/c I don't want my brothers to go away. I don't want any others ones, just my brothers". (in the past we got Skylar onces Nathaniel left, we got Joe and Manny once Skylar left. So I am assuming he thought they would have to leave in order for more to come in). So I just dropped the topic and let it be.

Then while Chance was playing outside our neighbour mentioned something and Joe and Manny being Twins and he got all defensive saying "no, they are not twins, they are just my brothers" and our neighbour (age 8) kept trying to explain it to Chance but he just kept getting more defensive. "JUST MY BROTHERS!!!!!!!!!!!!". So Andrew and I have been trying to explain to him the last few days what twins mean. (Michelle had 2 babies in her tummy, but Carrie only had 1 baby. Jessice and Julie were both in Aunty Jenn's tummy at the same time so they are twins". So now he'll say it, but he still adds "they are just my bothers".

So I know I am kind of all over the place, but that is where my thoughts are. What are we teaching Chance about attachement? He thought Nathaniel was his brother - then he's gone. Skylar was his sister - then she's gone. Now he thinks Joe and MAnny are his brother - what happens if they leave? To him what is a brother? What is a sister? We have NEVER told him that NAthaniel, Joe and Manny where his brothers. We never said Skylar was his sister. He has picked that up on his own, and calls them that himself. Is he always going to think people that get close to him are going to go? Chance finally has a friend "P" that is 6 months older then he is. He asks to play with her every day. And they play together maybe 5 times a week. Sometimes they play nice together, some times they don't. But this is Chance's first friend that is his age and they loves playing together. But, "P" is a foster child that just came to live with our friends down the street. So what does that mean? That one day I might have to explain to him that his friend is GONE! Never going to see her again. POOF - there one day and gone the next. How is that going to affect the way he makes friends when he goes to school? Afried that they will suddenly be gone? Just like his "brothers and sister"? Just like his first mom (Carrie). Is he going to grow up thinking that everything that he gets close to will one day be gone?