Bad Dream

I'm still having a hard time sleeping. I'm having dreams of the actual accident that took place, to the accident being worse and the car won't stop rolling, to being an air plane crash and being (or Chance being) being stuck in flames. I'm assuming this is normal post accident? But a lot of dreams have Chance (and/or) Skylar in them some how being stuck and I can't get to them. So it didn't surprise me last night when I heard "mommy, mommy, mommy" and I thought once again I was dreaming, but this time I wasn't. It took me awhile to realize that Chance was actually calling me. So I ran to his room and asked him what was wrong and he was crying and all he could say was "mommy accident, mommy hurt". He just clung to my neck crying and I just kept whispering "mommy ok, mommy safe, mommy here now" and he didn't want me to leave. So I just kept repeating that until he fell asleep. Then 2 hours later it was repeated again! Being woken up to hear my son crying my name is just heartbreaking! He is really taking this hard. I'm glad that I am taking next week off work that I can spend that time with Chance so that he knows mommy is ok and mommy is here. Not only am I not ready to go back to work, I don't think Chance is ready to be separated from me. He has been really clingy with me since we went to look at the car yesterday. Normally Chance can be on his own, but now he just wants to sit with me, cuddle with me, and giving me lots of hugs and kisses - more than normal. I think the reality really set in for him (and ME!!) once he saw the car. I was also in a bit of denial about the severity of the accident as well until I saw it.

Hopefully this blog will get back to the happy, upbeat blog like it used to be. But it's a little gray over here and so that is reflected in this blog!